


all stars die,

by vivids



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Heavy Angst, Hospitalization, M/M, References to David Bowie, jignog im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-29 00:10:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20434790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivids/pseuds/vivids
Summary: don't they?





	all stars die,

jongin couldn’t bring himself to get out of bed, as usual, but this morning there was a certain heaviness in his bones, one he couldn’t quite pinpoint. minseok walked in through the door, spoke of something, and jongin heard him, he didn’t register any coherent words and brushed it off to being laggy in the morning.

when minseok saw the confusion in jongin’s eyes, he decided it was better he just gave him his medicine. he poured a little bit onto a spoon and brought it to jongin’s lips. the younger seemed absolutely taken aback by the gesture, and minseok tried to mouth “medicine,” but the idea seemed to go completely over jongin’s head. he opened his mouth in an attempt to get him to follow, and so jongin did, hesitantly swallowing whatever was on the spoon. junmyeon knocked on the door frame, and minseok gave him a solemn look, as if to somehow gesture “it’s okay.”

junmyeon nodded and left. his eyebags are getting darker, minseok noted. to help with the atmosphere, minseok decided to turn on the radio for jongin. maybe jongin heard, maybe he didn’t, but he visibly relaxed, and minseok decided that that’s enough, maybe even better than being entertained. the smooth beat filled the room and bounced off the tiles of the walls.

_on the day of execution,_

_only women kneel and smile_

and minseok teared up at the soft, tired voice, and hoped the lyrics weren’t sinking into jongin’s head, but the latter seemed to understand every beat, every syllable. his eyes saddened and minseok’s heart sunk, because jongin didn’t know, he had no idea, of what’s coming.

the song changed, and it started with a little breathing, and then an upbeat-ish drumming. ‘tis a pity she was a whore, minseok remembered the song, and how jongin had asked of him to replay it a million times for him as he grieved the loss of his childhood idol.

but as jongin cried over bowie, minseok cried over jongin, because who knows at what time he’ll be leaving too, going to a place minseok hoped would suit him. he wanted jongin to have a good ending to a good life, but jongin’s life had always been unstable, and so was jongin, but minseok loved him and always yearned to change that. he’d always yearned to show jongin that life can be happy, he always, always tried to show jongin what love could be, and it angered him, it infuriated him, that jongin had to be taken at such a young age. jongin was only twenty-four, minseok twenty-eight, and he just..

_he just._

lazarus played, and that was when minseok itched to turn off the music, because it was reminding him too much of how close everything was to ending, but he knew jongin’d be upset. minseok had never liked david bowie, but admired jongin’s passion of the man’s work. he was always so passionate about everything he loved, everyone he loved, he’d be passionate kissing minseok, he’d be passionate holding him, talking to him, making love to minseok - jongin just always presented him with so much emotion and minseok tried so hard to give him just that and more but why? just why would he have to be taken from him, ripped from this world at such a young age, not having experienced anything to its fullest?

but minseok didn’t know, and jongin didn’t tell him, that he was content with loving him, with whispering in his ear and listening to him mumble into his late at night, bittersweet promises they both wouldn’t dream of being able to keep.

jongin’s growing headache made his head throb, his eyes hurt too much to open. soon, he was quietly whispering minseok’s name, calling him, just to make sure he’s there, just to make sure he’s real, and he still didn’t feel any confirmation even when minseok sat on the edge of the bed and pressed a kiss to the younger’s lips. he didn’t feel anything, he realized, not minseok’s touches or his worried voice or his clothes or the light that threatened to leave his eyes and it didn’t take long before jongin stopped feeling despair, stopped feeling empty, stopped feeling, stopped.

minseok tried to shake jongin awake but the tears blurred his vision and he wasn’t sure if he’s just shaking jongin into a deeper state of whatever he’s in right now, or just shaking him.

minseok didn’t realize he’s screaming for jongin to wake up until junmyeon was ripping him away from his lover probably the same way whatever god ripped jongin from him and minseok just hates everyone and everything, he hates junmyeon and his touches, he hates jongin for leaving with no warning, and he hates himself for not kissing jongin more, with more passion, he hates himself for not saying goodbye properly or saying thank you, or apologize, but most of all minseok hates himself for not once saying ‘i love you’ in their years of being together when all he'd done was love jongin with every bit of his existence.

**Author's Note:**

> want to leave some [feedback?](https://curiouscat.me/catfishes)  
interested in more of my [bullshit?](https://twitter.com/han8yul)


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